When We Failed
by Octavia Brown
Summary: This is the story of a crisis. A pair of lovers realize they cannot continue as they have been. Their union had been nothing more than meaningless sex and the moment has come where they face failure. Sakura-centric. Inspired by "Exploit" from "The Only Exception" by The General Girl. Warning: Controversial subject matter.
1. Excess

**This was inspired directly by the super-short** "Exploit" by the general girl, the last in her drabble series, "The Only Exception."

 **Please be advised: This story contains mature and controversial subject matter.**

\- 因縁 -

She didn't love him. Sometimes she wondered if she ever really did. Her childish infatuation was long gone, replaced with missions and medicine and the mundane worries of adulthood. And sex with him. Violent, passionate, all-consuming lovemaking that had nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust and wild carnality.

That night it had been like any other time they had gotten together, all physical desire and need. She knew that. She didn't want anything else from him. He scratched an itch, and boy, did he scratch it well.

When he finished Sasuke had done something he'd begun to do more in the last couple months. He hovered over her, waiting for her to stop shaking, and then lowered a soft peck on the lips. It was too gentle and too considerate to be lustful. Sakura hadn't moved right then. She even had her eyes open, though she couldn't see anything in the dark room.

Then as always, he let himself fall to one side, removed the condom while still lying on his back, tossed it in the trash, and wiped himself off with tissues he left on his nightstand. He silently passed the box of tissues to Sakura and then rested an arm over his face. Within five minutes he was passed out, long deep breaths the only thing she could hear from him. Sakura mechanically cleaned herself off.

She wasn't exactly cold. He could still make her very angry and remind her of the deep, deep hurts he'd inflicted. When that happened she took it out on him, leaving deep scratches on his back and vivid bite marks on his neck. He responded with growls and a grip that left bruises on her hips.

Once he had been a second away from killing her. Not an accident, not a misunderstanding, his murderous intent was real. All because what, she annoyed him? And now... Now it was safest to say simply that she scratched an itch for him too. It was a mutual exchange that went no further than the bed.

\- 因縁 -

She made up her mind. She had to do something, and it had to be today. He didn't have to really know or understand anything. But she had searched her feelings repeatedly and decided that the way her life was going she needed to make up her mind and act without further delay.

He was like a habit for her and the casual sex was the high that she wasn't eager to end. Which, her coldly rational mind reiterated, was exactly what made it so necessary. Her id pouted and stomped its metaphorical feet, but she held fast.

Sasuke was due back from his mission today and Naruto was bound to come pounding on her door any minute now for the traditional post-mission ramen trip to Ichiraku. Depending on his mood Sasuke would either ignore her once dinner was over or subtly get Naruto to leave them alone and then drag her to his place, fully intending to fuck her brains out.

Right now neither option sounded good to Sakura. But if she was being honest, climbing back into bed and ignoring the world was the only option with any appeal.

She was almost done dressing when Naruto pounded on her door and shouted her name. He never knocked; he never started small. He announced his presence from the beginning like he had already been waiting at her door for 20 minutes.

Sakura called back to him to wait and tidied up her apartment, combed her hair. In the mirror she looked normal. Maybe her skin was paler than usual. Nerves, she told herself, it's only nerves. Once this was all over with she would put herself on a strict training regimen for a month. That should help her vent the inevitable frustration.

Naruto pounded on her door once again. She rolled her eyes and ran out to meet him, tugging on her shoes along the way.

\- 因縁 -

Sakura's plan was not going very well. Sasuke had her pressed against a wall in his apartment and was sucking on her neck with a hand creeping up under her blouse.

She had meant to start the ball rolling while they were making their way to his home. She had meant to get the bulk of what she had to say all done before he'd opened the door. She knew if she let him get her inside it would be a hundred times more difficult to say it.

The problem was they didn't really talk. Out in public, that is out with Naruto, they didn't talk to each other very much. She would chat about a few things Sasuke might find interesting but he rarely answered with more than a grunt. His idea of contributing to a conversation was throwing out a sarcastic comment once every half hour.

And when they were alone, forget it, there was hardly any talking at all, unless you counted hissing each others names and crying out things like "God!" and "yes! yes!"

So, she had made a few attempts at talking with him but they had gone no where. She had obliquely tried to bring up seeing each other by referring back to the dinner conversation. Sasuke had gone on a mission with Rock Lee and Tenten. The mission was, of course, violent and Sasuke had his hands full with enemy ninja trying every method under the sun to kill them. He'd grudgingly admitted that they were very tough and capable in a fight. But he was mightily peeved that they decided this was the mission during which they would finally profess their growing attraction for each other.

At first Sakura thought her jaw would hit the floor with Sasuke suddenly gossiping about friends. But then she realized he was just grossed out and annoyed by normal human feelings.

She tried to invoke that again in his apartment as a way to slow him down.

It didn't really work.

"I'm not going to talk about them again," Sasuke growled. And then he grabbed her hips to grind against the growing bulge in his crotch.

Against the wall in his living room, next to a giant painting of the Uchiha fan, Sakura tried to push against his shoulders. She wanted to protest. Sort of. But the only thing that came out of her mouth was a gasp and a soft moan.

He gave her a look and for a moment it seemed he might kiss her, but instead the arm around her waist grew insistent, pulling her toward his room.

Sakura yielded, like she always did, swept along in Sasuke's wake, down the hall and past photos of his extinct family and artistic sketches of the buildings that used to be landmarks in the Uchiha district.

In his room she demanded a little of her own, whirling into him and pressing her mouth to his. For the barest split second he recoiled, but then he recovered with a grin. His tongue swirled in her mouth and she could feel her willpower flowing away rapidly.

Trying for a last ditch effort, Sakura pulled away. Heart slamming in her chest, her voice was soft and trembled awfully. "Sasuke..."

He grunted in reply, and he pulled his shirt off in one smooth motion. The look one his face made her think of a wolf that had cornered a particularly fat rabbit.

He tossed his shirt onto a shelf and stepped toward her. She kept looking at the shelf trying to decide what was off about it while Sasuke turned out all the lights except one little lamp by the bed.

Sasuke pulled her close and with a growl began to work on the zipper on her shirt. It was then that Sakura recalled that shelf used to have a picture of Sasuke's family, a stern father, beautiful mother, an adolescent Itachi and Sasuke looking painfully tiny. Sakura had guessed he was probably 5 years old. He had answered her questions about it with single words and grunts, not against discussing the subject, but not eager to do it either.

As Sasuke peeled her shirt off she wondered where the photo had gone.

Sasuke pushed her back onto the bed and it brought her back to the present, and to Sasuke removing her bra.

Then she knew that she had lost her chance. She knew in her rational mind that she could tell him to stop and he would; but the problem was that her body would no longer listen to reason.

For a moment she felt a slight flush of aggravation with herself. She would be stuck here forever if she...

Sasuke felt her stop responding to him and lifted his head from her clavicle. His hand was between her legs but it stopped moving.

It was the perfect moment. She could pull away, catch her breath, organize her thoughts and _say something._ She lifted a hand and placed it on his bare chest, meaning to push him back. But instead, her treacherous limb traced his pecs and let fingertips glide over a nipple.

He smirked and let his eyes drift closed as she caressed him. He leaned down and kissed her soundly, teeth grazing her lower lip. When she grunted and swept her tongue over his lips, his hand resumed its journey up her skirt until it could go no further.

Sasuke assumed she still adored him. It would never cross his mind that sometimes Sakura hated his guts. And again the thought made her jaw set, and again Sasuke noticed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing," she lied. He was staring at her. She sighed and said the first thing that came to mind that wasn't what she was really thinking about. "Do you remember the first time? That first time we came here?" The first time we fucked, she thought.

Sasuke was silent for a full minute. "Yeah. Is this an anniversary?"

"No, nothing like that. I was just thinking about it. Shikamaru's birthday last year - everyone got completely trashed, even you. I couldn't take the stuffy bar anymore and stepped out for some fresh air. I don't know, I can't remember exactly when you walked up. I think you said it was too loud?"

"Hn. You said no one would notice if I left." Sasuke adjusted himself over her so he was balanced on both arms. "I said what about you. You shrugged."

Sakura let herself relax by a hair. Both arms softly moved over Sasuke's back. "You said come on. And started to walk away. I had no idea what you meant so you came back and grabbed my hand. I practically had to run after you."

"Hn." Sasuke drew in a long breath so deep Sakura could feel his chest press against hers. "I was drunk."

Only one block away from Sasuke's apartment, almost on the other side of the village from where Sakura lived, he had finally stopped. He had turned around so sharply that Sakura had bowled right into him. Both of them were drunk enough that they stumbled together a few feet and Sakura couldn't help giggling.

Her memory was hazy and she hated that. But it was probably for the best. It wasn't like her relationship with Sasuke was the sort where she wanted to treasure every moment.

She just knew that at some point in giggling and finding their feet Sasuke had kissed her.

Sakura didn't realize she had stayed quiet for a while until Sasuke prompted her. "And?"

"Oh, uh. Nothing, it was just on my mind."

"Hn." Sasuke moved over to rest on his side, one hand cupping one of her breasts. "You don't want to tonight?"

Sakura closed her eyes softly, taking in the warmth from his hand. "I'm kinda tired," she admitted. "I shouldn't stay long."

"You never do."

Sakura's eyes fluttered open. Sasuke never commented on his observations. His eyes were trained on her face. He knew something was up.

Suddenly she wanted to push him through it, one last time. She wanted to make him lose control, to hear him grunt and groan under her ministrations, to feel him strain against her. Her stomach twisted and she decided it was for the best that she didn't let him penetrate her tonight.

She moved to sit up against him and she felt a pleasant tingling as his hand slipped over her breast.

They were both topless but he still wore his pants and she her skirt. She bent over him to give him a kiss while one hand undid his zipper.

His grunt when she reached inside his shorts was delicious. His hand swept up her back and she could feel goosebumps trail up after it. Yes, he was a habit she was going to miss.

Sakura relocated herself at his waist. She pulled down his pants and shorts enough to give herself as much access as she needed and she proceeded to pump his length.

They had given each other head only a few times, preferring minimal foreplay and then two or three rounds of aggressive sex.

When she put him in her mouth, Sasuke groaned out her name. She worked him hard, clutching his balls in one hand, the way he liked.

"Fuck, Sakura," he hissed.

She wanted to smile. She could hear his hands scrabbling over the bedsheets, seeking something to hold onto. The only thing she truly loved about this affair was making the mighty Sasuke Uchiha lose his mind.

She sucked him in and let him out rapidly. She let her teeth lightly scrape against the head, enjoying Sasuke's every sharp hiss.

Her back was cramping slightly and her stomach was still twisted so she moved around to drape herself over him. She hummed as she worked and switched between that and lashing the head with her tongue. She kissed and sucked the sides of his length, and ran her teeth ever so lightly over the skin. The member twitched and jumped against her.

Sasuke was having a hard time holding still. He muttered a string of obscenities, the sort he almost never used outside the bedroom.

Sakura continued to work his length in and out of her mouth, with a hand adding friction and grip.

Sasuke let out a long, deep groan. One hand found the back of her head and fingers tangled in her hair. He neither pushed nor pulled.

"God, fuck yes. Fuck... uhhhhh." Sasuke convulsed under her and his manhood twitched as he came into her mouth.

Sakura held her breath and didn't move until Sasuke was done. For a second nausea swept over her, but she fought any expression of it. The sensation withdrew and she was able to release Sasuke without making a mess.

While he still shuddered slightly, she turned to the tissues beside the bed to wipe her mouth. With her back turned she surreptitiously dabbed her eyes.

Sasuke's breath was slowly coming back to normal. He looked up at her for a moment and then sat up to press his now-usual end-of-sex kiss on her mouth. Then he scooted out of his pants and shorts. He reached out and hooked a finger into her skirt.

Sakura hitched. "I don't want to do it."

"Mh, it's so you can lie down. You said you're tired."

Well, that was true. "But I also said I shouldn't stay long."

Sasuke looked at her and then released her skirt. "Rest."

Sakura pressed her lips together. Where normal people casually gave advice and friends invited or cajoled, Sasuke ordered without a second thought. With a sigh she slipped off the edge of the bed and pulled off her skirt. She kept her panties on, however. When she turned back to the bed Sasuke was watching her with a ghost of a smile on his face. Sakura couldn't bring herself to smile.

They crawled under the covers and Sasuke turned off the little lamp. Sakura ordered herself to nap for just an hour. A little digital clock on a far shelf read a just after midnight. She sighed and tried to cover it with a yawn. Her stomach was not happy and her eyes felt like they were wells of jelly. Hopefully a little nap would be enough to set everything back to normal.

Sasuke was already breathing long and deep before she started to feel loose enough to sleep. They still needed to have a conversation.

\- 因縁 -

The little digital clock read nearly six thirty. Dammit, thought Sakura. She really needed to get home. Immediately.

Very weak light filtered in between the window blinds on the side wall. It was more light than she usually had.

She slipped off the bed and put a hand to the floor to feel around. She found her bra first.

A groggy voice muttered in the dark. "Do you need light?" The tiny lamp turned on. Sasuke had squeezed his eyes shut against the light and blinked them open. He sat up under the sheet and wiped his face with his hand.

Sakura tugged on her bra mechanically. "I didn't mean to stay so long."

Sasuke gave a bare nod.

She turned around to find the rest of her clothes. It was strange that he woke up before she left. But then she didn't usually stay until sunrise. It didn't matter, she had to be going.

But then she saw him. It was a mistake. She shouldn't have looked at him. The look on his face was... She felt a cold wave wash over her and sweat break out over her back. With a force of effort she turned and picked up her skirt.

It was another shock when he spoke again. "I have something to tell you."

Sakura's urge to flee doubled. Tripled, maybe. She just knew whatever it was, she didn't want to hear it. Her mouth moved on its own. "You're talking a lot lately."

She closed her mouth with a click. She didn't mean to snap at him; she was the one who screwed up.

"Hn. I've been hiding it from you. I think you see that now. But, -"

"Sasuke, I really have to go. Let's talk about it later." Just don't turn and look at him again, she told herself. Forget that look in his eyes, it's just part of his trap. She pulled on her skirt and did up the buttons.

She expected him to recoil. To shut down and be quiet. Sasuke Uchiha was born to brood. For as long as she had known him, his cool temperament had been his calling card. Only Naruto could ever prompt him to speaking, even shouting. She fully expected Sasuke to withdraw to his usual indifference.

She gave a start and gasped when his hand lightly descended on her shoulder. She looked at it in horror. She could feel him behind her and her stomach twisted violently. She shook off his hand.

"Sakura, you're not leaving, you're running away."

A whisper was all she could manage. "I have to -"

He moved behind her and Sakura ruthlessly fought off the desire to turn to him. "You don't trust me. You never did. I wanted to convince you."

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't expect that. She didn't expect any of it. He always slept through her exits. Why did he need to talk _now_?

She wanted to be safe back in her own little apartment that Sasuke disliked. He never said one way or the other, but his disgust was obvious. Her bed was smaller and lumpier than his, the carpet was thinner and rather ugly. The paint was coming down in her bathroom, her kitchen had stains that were there before she moved in, but it was _hers_. And _he_ wouldn't be there.

"Sakura..."

Her eyes popped open and her mouth started going before her brain realized it. "There's nothing to convince, Sasuke. I don't know why we keep doing this, other than because it's fun." She shut her mouth. She was on the very edge of telling him what was going on. But still she couldn't do it. Her thoughts were in complete disarray.

"Why..." He echoed. Finally he was silent.

Sakura's stomach lurched. She had to go. She spied her blouse and moved to pick it up. Her hands were shaking.

"I love you."

Everything stopped.

Sakura stopped moving, stopped breathing. The room was completely silent and still.

And then Sakura knew it was far too late to try to get home. She dashed from the room without her blouse.

She sped down the hallway to the bathroom and barely managed to lift the lid of the toilet and stick her head in before her stomach began to purge all its contents.

It was violent and painful. The cramps were merciless and she could barely take in a breath before she heaved again. She hacked and coughed and heaved even more. It felt like all of her guts were rising up against her, all at once. Her nose burned and tears flowed freely down her face.

Finally the heaving slowed down. Only saliva and stomach acid would come out now. Sakura couldn't move yet. She spat to try to clear out her mouth and brought a shaky hand to her face to wipe her nose and eyes.

Her whole body shook and her muscles felt too weak to move away from the toilet. She lifted a trembling arm and sent it to fumble around for the toilet handle. A cool hand covered hers and gently set it on the lever.

Sakura pulled back from the toilet bowl a little bit as it flushed. She still felt feeble and unsteady. She knew Sasuke knelt less than a foot away but she didn't turn to him.

He held a glass of water to her and she took it. She took a tiny sip and gargled. Her body ached and her sinuses burned. She did what she could to rinse out her mouth and nose.

Sakura leaned over slightly, putting her weight on a hip and rested her face on the cool porcelain of the tank. She closed her eyes.

Whispering movement came from Sasuke as he adjusted his position. "It's tempting to think you're disgusted by what I said."

Dammit. She really didn't want to talk now. Sakura opened her eyes. Sasuke was sitting cross-legged with hands on his knees. He was wearing shorts now. His gaze never wavered from her face.

Sasuke continued quietly, "We ate the same thing last night so I don't think it's food poisoning. You don't have a fever. It could be some other illness." He paused and then continued, "Before he went to get you, Naruto said you might be sick. Three days ago he went to your apartment in the morning before his training and it took you a while to answer the door. He said you looked like you were ill."

He watched her calmly. Sakura realized he was waiting for her to say it. To come clean. She knew this was the time, but she didn't have to like it. "You really are talking a lot today."

Sasuke didn't move, he didn't even flinch at Sakura's sharp tone. But his face changed to a look she knew from the battlefield. It was a carefully cultivated blankness that gave away nothing, while his eyes burned, although with excitement or fury, she couldn't say.

Holding still he waited patiently for her to speak.

Damn his exceptional intelligence. Sakura sighed and pulled herself off the toilet. She sat against the wall and hugged her knees to her chest. "It's not an illness." Her tone was sour. Her throat was raw and acidic. She frowned and took a drink of water. She was relieved when her stomach made no objection.

"I felt off a few days after the last time..." Sakura gestured at the apartment in general. "At first I thought there was no way, we always use protection. But I kept feeling weird, food smelled disgusting and my mood was off. The test came up positive and the very next day I woke up puking. That was five days ago."

"The day I went on the mission."

"Yeah."

She wondered if he would say more. Perhaps he was processing their exchange that day. She had gone to see him before he left, but he was already halfway to the gates of the village. She tried to pull him aside to speak but he brushed her off, using the single phrase, "I have a mission" to let her know that she was no one to slow him down.

"Hn."

Or perhaps he was preparing some declaration about his child. But he was silent. She looked down at her knees. Why was he always so quiet when she desperately needed him to say something?

She muttered to herself primarily to break the silence. "I thought we should stop all this." She nodded toward the bedroom. "It didn't have to be your problem." Sakura pressed her face into her legs.

"Are you keeping it?"

She peeked up at him. He really was just too intelligent. His look of blankness slipped away, leaving only unhappiness. Even though her mind was made up she couldn't look him in the eye. "No."

This time Sasuke flinched. It was barely perceptible, but it was there.

Sakura was tempted to give her reasoning. But she knew he wouldn't want to hear it. At least he wasn't lecturing her. She lifted the glass to her mouth and drank the rest of the water.

At long last Sasuke stood up and held a hand out to her. She pushed out a breath and inhaled slowly and when she got up it was without his help.

She held out the empty glass to him. He stared at it for a moment like he wasn't sure what to do with it before finally taking it.

Sasuke spoke softly. "I meant what I said."

Sakura stiffened, the urge to leave coming back alongside the strength to move.

In an instant Sasuke read her intentions and caught her hand with his. "I know what I want, Sakura, but I know it's not up to me."

It had been a very long time since she had heard his voice reach such intensity. But Sakura felt confused. She could read no anger in him.

He continued, "It's up to you. Choose to end it or not; if you choose to be with me or not. I won't force-"

"You really need to shut up, Sasuke! Just stop talking!" It was making her crazy. He was quiet when she wanted him to speak, he talked too much when she needed silence... Everything was upside down and inside out.

She pushed past him and headed back to the bedroom. She looked around hastily for her blouse and found it on top of a dresser. It lay next to a framed picture of Team Seven in their genin days and a small potted plant. In short order, she plucked up her blouse and pulled it on and then marched to the front door. She put on her shoes and reached for the door.

Sasuke stood to the side, watching her. "Sakura..."

She snapped around to see Sasuke holding out a hand to her. Sakura's emotions boiled over and words she had been putting off finally spilled forth.

"Please, I'm sorry I don't make much sense now, but I know what I want too, Sasuke. And I..." She stared right back at his face. "I don't love you. I don't **trust** you. And right now, I resent you." She ground her teeth. "Sometimes I think I hate you."

She turned away before the relentless anger churning in her guts really got her mouth going. The look on his face at her rejection was too much. She needed to keep her head clear and right now his proximity was making her choke on her anger. He had no right to look at her like that.

"I'm not trying to punish you, Sasuke, but you wanted to know what was on my mind." She put her hand on the doorknob. "This is my problem, and my problem alone. And I don't want to see you for a while."

She set her jaw and opened the door. Every step was a universe by itself. She crossed the threshold and tugged the door closed behind her. A wave of ice water broke over her skin when she heard the door click. She could hear Sasuke move against the door, but it remained shut.

She couldn't help that he was sad. But she could empathize. He had made her very sad for a very long time.

Sakura wondered if she should cry. It seemed like the time for it. But her eyes were completely dry.

* * *

Okay, as noted above this was inspired by one chapter in a series. The series, by **the general girl** , is really pretty lovely and light, but the chapter "Exploit" is dark and kind of sad and I kept thinking about it for a long time. This story came out of those thoughts.

If this story is not to your taste, offends you or whatever, I humbly recommend my story "WIN-WIN" which is all pleasant and sweetness and harmless. No controversy there.

Finally, I'm still way behind everyone else with NARUTO. The anime is dragging its feet, so I fill my time writing non-canonical fiction. Please don't write to me about what really happened... that's a spoiler and it's annoying.

If you still want to read more WHEN WE FAILED, cool! There will be two more chapters.


	2. Rebuke

**This was inspired directly by the super-short** "Exploit" by the general girl, the last in her drabble series, "The Only Exception."

 **Please be advised: This story contains mature and controversial subject matter.**

\- 因縁 -

Sakura was sorting and folding her clothes when she heard a knock at her door. She found Ino on the other side, arms crossed.

The other woman looked at her and said, "I think you broke Sasuke."

A stone settled in her gut. After leaving his apartment Sakura had decided she had time for some busy work to clear her mind before beginning her hospital shift and settled on laundry. She had honestly hoped she could go the rest of the day without thinking about Sasuke and the heartbroken look on his face.

She stared at Ino, bewildered. "What?"

Ino invited herself into Sakura's apartment in her usual breezy way. "A couple of ANBU squads were out training on the northern border. I don't really know how Sasuke got involved, I guess he was up there training too, and people started issuing sparring challenges. Anyway, it turned into a free for all, with everyone piling on Sasuke."

Ino smirked. "And of course last I heard he mopped the floor with them. You're probably going to be called to the hospital soon."

Sakura made a face. "My shift doesn't start for a couple hours. Anyway, what does this have to do with me?"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, it's an open secret that you two have been getting together for a little while." She shook her head. "Don't tell me you were trying to keep it a secret. I mean every chunin figures out to leave a clone around for plausible deniability."

Sakura frowned. They hadn't tried to keep it a secret. That would involve talking about what they were doing. "Whatever we were doing, it's over now."

"Oooh, so maybe that's it. Working off some frustration by nearly killing some of Konoha's finest."

"There's a reason Naruto is the only one who spars with him. What were those ANBU thinking?"

"Well," countered Ino. "What was Sasuke thinking, interrupting their training? And if they ended up piling on him, it can only be because he was ignoring the usual rules of sparring."

Sakura put a hand to her forehead. They were just going in circles. "So again, what does this have to do with me? Besides the fact that I should get my lab coat and head to the hospital?"

Ino stared at her. "You know. Sometimes I get the feeling that you don't understand how much you mean to him."

Sakura tsked. His feelings were too little, way, way too late.

 _I love you._

"Hey, I totally understand if you don't want to be best friends with a guy who left you behind, insulted you and finally came this close to killing you. But then I don't know why you would hook up with him, even for meaningless sex."

Ino was searching her face so Sakura deliberately kept her countenance placid. "Fine, I know, it's complicated. You have your feelings -"

Sakura frowned. "It's not complicated. We were using each other for sex. And it's over now."

Ino shook her head and sighed. "I don't know why I bother. Look, can you at least tell me what changed?"

Well, there was at least one secret left hidden from Ino. Sakura shrugged and returned to her laundry. "I just needed to move on. The pointlessness of it all was getting to me."

Ino was quiet and Sakura looked up at her. She had a giant, salacious grin on her face. "I wonder how long that'll last, though."

Sakura made a face. "What do you mean?"

"Oh just that I bet you'll miss the sex sooner than you think. ...hot guy you've been dreaming of for most of your life, and I know he's missing you already... Oh, I can just imagine the fireworks in bed between you two!"

Sakura rolled her eyes as Ino waxed on about a sexual relationship that she couldn't begin to understand.

"Hey! I know, if you're really done with him, maybe I should give him a try?" Ino winked and held her tongue between her teeth.

Sakura snorted. "Don't you have -"

There was a loud knock at the door. Sakura sighed and went to answer it. A messenger in a hospital smock waited outside. "Sakura Haruno, report to emergency care at Konoha hospital immediately." Then he disappeared.

She sucked in a breath. Well that was that. Time to fix the people that Sasuke had broken. Again. She pulled her lab coat out of the front closet.

"I guess that's my cue." Ino stepped past her out the door. "Maybe put on a little makeup before patching up those ANBU hotties, huh, Forehead? You're looking pale today and no one will feel better staring at those bags under your eyes."

"Tsch. I'm probably going to be in surgery with a mask on for the rest of the day. Definitely won't have any time to train... but maybe you could run a couple extra laps around the village for me, eh, Pig?" She paused for effect. "You seem to be carrying a little extra in the rear these days."

As Sakura guessed, Ino gave a little shriek and tried in vain to look at her bottom from over her own shoulder. Sakura snickered for a second, then shut and locked her door and sped off toward the hospital.

\- 因縁 -

Sakura sagged back in the elevator. Every inch of her body radiated fatigue. She had arrived more than twelve hours earlier and had barely been able to sit for more than five minutes at a time. Her feet pulsed with pain.

In the minutes she could grab between surgeries she had spoken with ANBU who sported lesser injuries. It was as Ino thought, during sparring Sasuke had overdone it by quite a bit. The squads had encountered Sasuke in the northern woods and one side or the other issued a challenge - the accounts weren't clear on who started it. But Sasuke sent his first opponent flying into a tree. The second had dropped to his hands and knees but Sasuke kept issuing fireballs. The scene descended into chaos after that.

There were a couple of really pissed off ANBU captains milling in the hallway. They made it sound like it was ANBU who had protected each other and kept Sasuke from killing their comrades. They wanted Sasuke thrown in prison.

Sakura wanted to laugh at them. None of the wounds she saw were fatal. And she knew his fighting style well enough to discern that he had not used his Mangekyou. If he had she would have spent the day writing death certificates.

One thing Ino missed, in a hurry to give Sakura the heads-up, was that Naruto had caught wind of the brawl as it was going on and had raced to take part in it.

She was an hour into her work in the operating room when she heard that Sasuke and Naruto had both been admitted. Tsunade herself came in to work on them and all Sakura knew was that they would be kept isolated in a separate wing. That made her scowl. Those two would not have held back against each other.

And if Naruto had gone full force against Sasuke... Was it because Sasuke had told him why he was in such a destructive mood?

 _I love you._

Sakura groaned in the elevator and rubbed her temples. She finally had a twenty minute break and she was using it to take care of an errand she had been meaning to run all day long.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened onto obstetrics & gynecology. Sakura felt slightly nauseous.

\- 因縁 -

After 18 hours in surgery even the nurses had started commenting on how pale she was and how she ought to rest. Sakura knuckled down and closed her mind to anything but medical facts.

Once the ruptured ANBU bodies were more or less sown back together she switched out of the OR smocks and furtively tucked the bottle of abortifacients into a pocket in her coat. She finally staggered home a couple hours before dawn.

Sakura had dismissed the idea of going to visit Naruto and Sasuke in their private wing. Naruto would likely recover rapidly and be released very soon; she could go see him the next day.

In her kitchen she tugged out the pills and set them on the counter. She crossed her arms and stared at them.

 _I love you._

Idly she wondered how much easier this would be if men ever had to fear getting pregnant.

She turned on her heel and headed to her bedroom, turning off lights as she went. She would deal with it after getting some proper sleep.

\- 因縁 -

"Sakura...look at me."

Sakura had her gaze trained on the Leaf insignia on the front of the Hokage's desk. She had avoided looking at Tsunade partly to hide her feelings while talking about Sasuke and Naruto and partly because her mind kept wandering away as Tsunade spoke with the two ANBU captains who furiously denounced Sasuke as if he were a violent beast.

She didn't care to engage them one way or the other and kept her commentary strictly to medical observations.

But the captains finally left, arms stiff, in a furious silence that seemed to make the air crackle, and now Tsunade wouldn't let her disappear into her mind any longer.

Sakura gathered herself and looked up at Tsunade. The older woman's face was marked with irritation and weariness.

"I'm sorry your lie-in was interrupted by this. Why don't you take a seat. You look a bit fatigued. No doubt thanks to two back-to-back shifts putting ANBU back together." Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "Do you have a fever? Any nausea?"

Sakura shook her head and kept her face bland. As casually as if she were on a spying mission she pulled chair from against the wall to Tsunade's desk and sat in it. It would take Tsunade less than a second of checking to realize the real reason Sakura was not in peak condition. Let her think it was due to being summoned to the Hokage's office with barely any sleep.

"Hm," mused Tsunade. "I'll arrange for time away from the hospital. Three days sounds about enough. They would never say it to me but those captains don't want you treating their men. They know perfectly well you're on _his_ team."

There was no doubt who she meant. Sakura bobbed a short bow. "Thank you, m'lady."

Tsunade grunted. "Don't thank me yet. I'm only letting you off the hook with the hospital. For the time being you will personally care for Naruto and Sasuke."

At that Sakura's jaw dropped. She squawked, "But...!"

Tsunade held up a hand. "I don't believe in wasting resources, you know that. Surely you can manage house calls? You'll also be on standby in case I need you for a mission." Tsunade made an aggravated sound. "I can't believe this. Half a dozen ANBU in the hospital as well as Naruto and Sasuke laid up, all from some stupid brawling. And they're supposed to be the best ninja this village has to offer?" She pinched her nose and shut her eyes tightly. "All I need now is some kind of attack."

Sakura tucked away her feelings. "I apologize for my reckless teammates, m'lady."

Tsunade waved it off. "No need to apologize. I know you don't like this assignment but Shizune will have her hands full at the hospital. And..." She leaned forward on her seat, staring intently at Sakura, "You must impress on Sasuke just how much trouble he's in. They want his head on a pike, and in their shoes I would feel the same."

"Lady Tsunade!"

"Don't fret, Sakura. I told you I don't like wasting resources. But if the ANBU get the jonin and elders involved Sasuke could end up in jail."

Despite everything, Sakura blanched and for just a moment her vision swam in darkness. She closed her eyes and dug nails into her thighs. She forced herself to take long breaths until her head cleared.

"Hm. I suppose it would be a shock to hear such a thing," Tsunade murmured, carefully studying her student. "After all he is still your teammate, even if you're not together..." Tsunade let the silence drag out the implication.

Sakura couldn't help swallowing and suddenly couldn't meet Tsunade's gaze. Did all of Konoha know?

Tsunade scoffed quietly. "I suppose Shizune won the bet. I told her after what you went through you would never let him touch you. But she said you would work it out and end up together somehow."

Heat had been gathering in Sakura's face as she prayed for an attack on the village to distract Tsunade, but at the last sentence she felt something snap deep within and mortification became fury.

"Well you both lose! He-we're not, we will not work this out!" Her skin felt flushed as her jaw clacked shut.

Tsunade looked mildly surprised at her outburst. Then she nodded. "I didn't wish to upset you. I'm sorry I brought it up." She sighed. "Still, you will have to care for him personally. And again, I would appreciate it if you, as his teammate, got him to consider a formal apology. I know that Uchiha and his extensive pride, but if he doesn't want to be on D-rank missions for the rest of his life..."

"Yes, ma'am."

With a satisfied grunt Tsunade looked down at her paperwork. For a moment her shoulders sagged. "This is ridiculous," she muttered to herself. She then twisted in her seat and pulled open a drawer near her feet. From its depths she produced a bottle of sake and a pair of cups. She nodded to Sakura, but Sakura declined with a small shake of the head. Tsunade shrugged and poured herself a portion.

"Right now I have to find a good way to explain that the ANBU should forgive Sasuke. I can't demand it." She snorted. "Although, I will insist they review their training - Sasuke held back to a considerable degree and they were still beaten this badly. Pitiful." She swallowed a mouthful of sake. "At any rate, I will ask they let go of their resentment toward him. You might consider the same thing."

She put down her sake cup and leaned forward, in an intent whisper she said, "And Sakura? If he's hurt you in some way I won't hesitate to put him in a hole. You can be sure of that."

Tsunade's voice was so fierce and yet so full of love for just a moment Sakura could feel herself relax and a corner of her mouth lifted at the kind gesture. She demured gently, "That's okay, ma'am, there's no need."

Tsunade leaned back and regarded her quietly before continuing. "If he deserves your hatred and resentment, so be it. But you might not deserve to carry around a burden like that."

She sat back in her chair with a heavy sigh. "But that's up to you."

Sakura forced her shoulder down but the tension remained in her body. "Yes, ma'am. I'll think about it," she promised.

She wondered how sincere she was being as she stood up and left. She wasn't eager to see Sasuke again and every time she thought about the reasons why this had happened she became angry all over again.

\- 因縁 -

Sakura walked down the street with her arms crossed, studying the ground in front of her. She was not in a mood for the smallest pleasantries and had no time to stop and chat.

She had to cross the shopping district to get to Naruto's new apartment and by this point in the day the streets were crowded. It seemed like she could barely take two steps before someone would call her name. Not everyone knew about the free-for-all but here and there someone would try to walk beside her to pry some details out of her on how the ANBU had been beaten so soundly.

She ignored them all.

Sakura was relieved that they were staying at Naruto's place and not Sasuke's. It was brighter and airier, for one thing, and for another it wasn't packed with memories of sweat and lustful cries. And it was a small mercy that they would be together rather than each in his own home. Sakura could make just one call to treat the two of them. This was due, quite simply, to Sasuke being still too injured to be on his own, but too unpopular to be left in a hospital room full of angry ANBU and their injured teammates.

Sakura trudged along toward Naruto's home. Earlier in the year he had finally moved to a larger apartment. Somehow he had sweet-talked Sakura into lugging furniture and she had repeatedly commented that he was using her as a beast of burden. Naruto had pouted and assured her he appreciated her endlessly. He showed his endless appreciation with a completely predicable bowl of Ichiraku ramen.

That night Sasuke had massaged her feet while she groused about Naruto taking her for granted.

Sakura made an aggravated sound and picked up her feet. She was just delaying the inevitable.

Naruto met her at the door in a black t-shirt and orange running pants. His right arm was in a sling and bandages packed a lot of bulk under his shirt, from over his shoulder and down his back. "Sakura-chan! Are you gonna be our nurse?"

Sakura gave a small laugh. She wasn't in good humor but Naruto's wide smile made it easier to bear. "I'm a doctor, Naruto. And Lady Tsunade just wants me to make sure you're not doing anything stupid."

"Nope, no way! We had lunch and then the bastard said he wanted to lay down. He's gonna sleep on my bed since I totally messed him up." He gestured to a couch already buried under a pile of blankets, dirty clothes and comic books. "So I've been over here getting ready. I was almost gonna go out."

"Go out?" Sakura looked him over again. He was moving rather easily but he was certainly not up to any training, let alone heading out on a mission.

"Don't worry, Sakura-chan, I'm just gonna find Hinata. I was supposed to take her out last night but then I went and got in a fight with the bastard and ended up in the hospital, believe it! The old lady yelled at us a bunch and said if I spent any chakra while I was still in the hospital she would break my legs!"

Despite the story Sakura giggled. She could well imagine her mentor issuing a threat like that - and coming through on it, if it came to that.

Then she frowned. She couldn't let him leave her alone with Sasuke. That was...no, she couldn't do it.

"You can go see Hinata after I check you and Sasuke. I have to make a report on how both of you are progressing and administer a little extra healing."

A line appeared on Naruto's brow. "Aww Sakura-chan, I really screwed up. I'd been promising Hinata to take her out to this fancy restaurant and I even made reservations and everything. Then I stood her up! She's gonna be so sad. I gotta go make it up to her!"

"You will, just wait a few extra minutes, okay?"

He pouted. "Can't you just check me really quick right now and then I can go? Pretty please?"

"No!" Sakura caught herself up short. "Just be patient," she ground out.

Naruto's earlier excitement was completely gone from his face, replaced by concern. "What is it, Sakura-chan? Did the bastard say something to you? Did you guys get mad at each other, is that why he was trying to mow down those ANBU?"

Sakura blinked at him. "I... did we get mad...?" She was caught completely unprepared for this. She had no idea what to say.

Naruto gave her a sad smile. "Hey, I know I'm not the smartest guy around but I'm not totally stupid. I know the real reason Sasuke told me to go talk to Kakashi-sensei after dinner the other night. He's done it a bunch of times so he can be alone with you.

"You guys have been disappearing together for months, ya know. But you're so weird about it, acting like it wasn't happening, so what could I say? I figured I'd leave you alone and one day you guys would come out wearing wedding rings."

Sakura reeled back like Naruto had physically hit her. She swallowed hard and stared at him.

Naruto's face was shot with concern and he reached a hand out to her, but when she didn't react he let it drop. "Did he do something? Did he say something, Sakura-chan?"

 _I love you._

Sakura began shaking her head before she could get her voice to work. "N-No, it's not like that. I just... we..." She crossed her arms and felt her fingernails dig into her flesh. "I can't explain it right now. Just, please, Naruto. Just stay while I administer some healing, okay? Then you can go see Hinata."

"Oh right, Hinata! Well, I think I can do one little thing, believe it!" And before Sakura could react, Naruto created a shadow clone. "You know what to do!"

"Right!" Replied the clone. He saluted and ran out of the house.

"I know it's rude to send out a clone but hopefully Hinata won't check and everything will be okay!" Naruto grinned broadly.

Sakura gave him a weak smile. "Well let's get to it then."

"Okay, Sakura-chan!" He turned and headed for his bedroom with a booming, "Wake up, asshole, the doctor is here!"

Sakura giggled and shook her head. She doubted Sasuke had been asleep during their conversation. Who could sleep with Naruto in the next room?

Naruto's check up was simple. His body healed at a ridiculous rate. The electrical scoring that marked his shoulder and back would heal within a few days and he would likely have no scars.

Sasuke watched in complete silence with his usual look of cool disinterest.

When it came time to check Sasuke, Sakura paused at the side of the bed. One side of his face was bandaged and his left arm was broken, but the most severe injury was at the solar plexus where Naruto had blasted him with a rasengan.

She steeled herself and then looked Sasuke in the eye. He stared back at her, betraying none of his thoughts. She changed the bandages on his face in stony silence.

Naruto gave an uncomfortable laugh. "So what do you think, doc, will he live?"

Unfortunately, thought Sakura. "With regular medical ninjutsu most of Sasuke's wounds should be healed within a couple of weeks. I have to check his internal organs though."

Sasuke's stayed almost perfectly still, but just the tiniest twinge on his lips betrayed the fact that he noticed how Sakura spoke as if he wasn't even there.

Sakura imagined the look on her face was enough for Sasuke to understand how much she didn't want to be there. She took a long breath and then pulled on the mask of a perfect medical professional.

She sat at the edge of the bed and held her hands over Sasuke's abdomen. She sank her chakra into him to gauge the extent of the internal injuries. They were fairly serious. Without medical ninjutsu several of his organs could end up shutting down due to hemorrhaging and inflammation, necessitating transplantation to keep him alive.

"Uh...Sakura-chan?"

Naruto's voice made her realize she was grinding her teeth. "It's okay, Naruto. I'm going to do a little bit of healing now. Sasuke's body can't take all of it at once so it's going to have to be spread out over several days."

"Oh cool, so you'll come and visit us every day?" Naruto practically bounced.

Sakura looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "I don't know if it'll be me or a different medic. Lady Tsunade will probably check in on you guys once or twice. Shizune and a couple of other medics can also do this if I end up getting sent on a mission or something."

"Aw, but Sakura-chan, you're the one who knows us! You know the bastard's body better than -" Naruto shut his mouth at a severe look from Sakura. Then he turned red. "Aahhh-sh...shit! Crap! That came out totally wrong! I just mean you've worked on him the most- Wait, I mean medically! You've -"

In unison Sasuke and Sakura issued a sharp "shut up!"

Naruto squeaked and slapped a hand over his mouth. He bounced back and forth from foot to foot.

Sakura turned her attention back to healing and refused to look away. Her jaw set so hard she could feel the tendons stick out.

Then Naruto cried out "ack!"

If she was interrupted one more time, Sakura thought, she was going to scream. "Now what?" she snapped.

"Hinata realized that was a clone and smacked him hard enough to undo the jutsu!" Naruto rubbed the side of his face. "She's really ticked at me! And she looked so sad! Man, Sakura-chan, I gotta go see her!"

Sakura gave an annoyed sigh. "Naruto, give me just a couple more minutes."

To one side of his torso, Sasuke's hand twitched and then relaxed.

Behind her Naruto was suddenly calm. Alarm bells went off in Sakura's head. "I'm sorry, Sakura-chan, but I have to go. And you have to stay."

She twisted around to look at Naruto without taking her hands from Sasuke. He was absolutely serious.

"I don't want you to be mad at me, but I don't want you guys to be mad at each other either. So maybe you need to yell at each other for a while, right? Just ahh..." Naruto scratched the back of his head and gave a cheeky little grin. "Just try not to actually fight, okay? I don't think my new apartment could take it."

"No! Naruto, wait!"

But it was too late. Naruto slid open the window in his room and threw himself out of it.

Sakura glowered. "Of all the..."

Sasuke gave a soft grunt and she looked at him. His eyes were screwed shut as if in agony. She realized her chakra had become agitated and it was causing him pain. She pressed her lips together and corrected her chakra flow.

This was all his fault, she thought furiously. Sasuke went off and fought recklessly, what, just because she had rejected him? He'd rejected her pretty thoroughly and she didn't need to put anyone in the hospital to deal with it!

"Sakura..." Sasuke's voice was a soft groan, like he was trying to hold back how much it hurt. "Sakura, you can stop. Don't force yourself."

Sakura nearly spat. "I can't stop in the middle of this. I'll finish in a minute and go."

"That's not what I mean. You can just let it go. You don't want to heal me, so don't bother."

Sakura gave him a horrified look. "You mean let you die?"

Sasuke looked back steadily. "Yes."

Sakura looked away, cold sweat rolling down the back of her neck. Then she forced her attention back to his torso. "I really need to concentrate."

"You don't -"

Sakura snapped. "Yes, I do have to, Sasuke. I'm a medic, a _doctor_ _._ I have been trained to save lives, regardless of what I think of the person living that life! You piss me the hell off, but my task is to heal you and that's what I'm going to do!"

Sasuke grunted. "I see."

Silence fell on the room as Sakura continued to work.

After several more minutes Sakura wrapped up the jutsu and released her chakra connection. She sat back and let out a little sigh. It wasn't a big drain on her chakra or her energy, but it still left her slightly winded.

She happened to catch sight of Sasuke's face. He was watching her carefully. It was unnecessary, she knew, but she said it anyway. "I'm done with that for now. We'll do more tomorrow. You're going to need medical attention like this every day for at least a week. I recommend you stay in bed the whole time. I'll tell Naruto he has to make sure you eat good food - I mean healthier food than ramen. If you have to move, walk only, and do everything you can to conserve your chakra."

"Training?"

Sakura scoffed as she stood up. "Not for a while. Right now I'm trying to make sure your liver, pancreas and stomach don't shut down on you. Your muscles throughout your abdominal cavity are bruised so if you work them too soon you'll get bleeding and we'll have to operate. We'll know more after a week. At best it'll be a couple weeks after that."

Sasuke frowned. Then he pulled himself to sitting up. "The others?"

Sakura hitched. He actually cared? "They'll be fine. Practically every ANBU is pissed at you though, and so is Lady Tsunade."

Sasuke grunted. "Sorry."

"For what?" The list in Sakura's head went on and on.

"You wanted to be left alone. The Hokage healed us at the hospital. I didn't know she'd end up sending you here."

Sakura blinked and turned around. She made a show of gathering up bandages and other medical tools. She deliberately borrowed his words as she remarked, "It's tempting to think you were planning this when you took on the ANBU."

"Hn." Sasuke gazed out the window as a bird flew by. "I didn't plan any of this."

She stopped and gave him a strange look. "When do you not have a plan? You always have your plans." When they were younger it had seemed that he was nothing _but_ plans.

"Often. I didn't have a plan when I kissed you. The first time."

It caught Sakura a little short. "You said you were drunk."

"Aa. I would have stopped there-" Sasuke stopped mid-sentence, eyes unfocused.

Sakura waited. She knew it was a test of patience. She knew Sasuke very damned well in this regard and she was going to wait him out this one time if it killed her.

Her legs started to ache before he finally finished his thought. "But you kissed me back."

He gazed at her with a perfectly calm face. Finally she shook her head and looked away.

"That bullshit yesterday was really dumb, Sasuke. You're in a lot of trouble with the higher ups. Even if you can get back to training soon they might not let you go on another mission until you're forty."

"Hn."

"I'm serious. If you had made just a tiny mistake and permanently disabled any of them - or killed anyone - you could be headed to prison."

"I don't care about that."

Sakura whirled around to stare at Sasuke and stuck a hand on her hip. "You should care! Your stupid temper could end your career!"

"I said, I don't care. Why do you care so much, Sakura?"

Sakura hitched. "I... ah... It's just stupid, that's all! Jeez, I can't believe I ever thought you were **too** intelligent!" She threw her hands in the air and finished putting away the last of her things.

Sasuke's voice was low. "Did you do it?"

She very nearly asked him "do what?" but quickly realized what he meant. She pulled out the small bottle from another pouch. "I haven't quite had the time."

"Hn."

Anger came to her again and spite moved her mouth before thought could keep it closed. "Do you want to watch me take them?" She lifted her eyes to his, intending to dare him. But he was ready.

"Yes."

Her brow knitted together as she tried to think what his angle might be.

Sasuke adjusted himself in the bed. "If you were going to term, I'd want to be there. And if you were doing the in-clinic procedure, I'd want to be there. I wanted to tell you that two days ago, but you left."

Sakura didn't realize she had stepped back until she bumped into a dresser behind her. She quickly tucked the bottle back into her pouch.

She busied herself with closing the window Naruto had opened. "You don't need a cold on top of everything else," she muttered. _Why do you care?_ echoed in her mind.

She faced away from the window, her gaze falling on framed picture without really seeing it. "I... I should be going. I'll be back tomorrow around the same time."

She turned and headed for the door without looking back.

"Sakura..." Sasuke's voice caught as if he, of all people, wasn't sure what to say. "I've never lied to you. Not once."

"Yeah," Sakura muttered softly. She crossed her arms as she left the room. I know, she thought.

Halfway down the street she recalled the framed picture she had been staring at blankly. It occurred to her that it was the genin photo of Team 7.

\- 因縁 -

Sakura blew on her weak tea and watched the steam scatter before a new plume formed. There was hardly anyone else in the teahouse and the peace was welcome. Sakura had the remainder of the hour before she had to report to the hospital.

She had gone there directly after the fourth day visiting Naruto and Sasuke. They were both coming along very well and Tsunade would go see them the next day to make a determination on what should happen next.

Naruto would probably return to the active roster by the end of the week. Hinata had even offered him a home-cooked meal to celebrate. Sakura smirked. Since it would be at the Hyuuga estate the chances were that it would still be created by a professional chef. But at least they were back to normal. Effusive apologies and a few humiliating antics for Naruto worked to charm Hinata into forgiving him.

Sakura tapped her fingers on the mug restlessly. Some people made it look so easy.

Absently she plucked up a skewer of dango and plopped one of the sweets into her mouth, the syrup instantly sticking to the back of her teeth. She didn't realize just how bad she wanted one until she had ordered it and suddenly it felt like the answer to every problem she had.

Other than the first day, Naruto had dutifully stayed with her while she worked on Sasuke. He chatted about this and that, told ridiculous jokes and generally made the oppressive silence a non-issue. Sakura wanted to attribute it entirely to his lively personality but twice now he had intercepted her before she made it to the bedroom where Sasuke rested to ask how she was feeling.

She still couldn't bring herself to tell him why she didn't want to be alone with Sasuke; she let her sad smile be answer enough. Something told her he was close to working it out but held back in consideration of her feelings. Instead he met her silence with a hug, and for a moment she felt like she could breathe right.

Naruto had left the room once. Sakura had to blame herself. That morning had been particularly rough and she didn't trust any breakfast would stay down. Naruto noticed her sallow skin and remarked that she was shaky. He immediately ran to get her a glass of water.

Most of the time Sasuke was completely impassive, practically oblivious to Sakura's presence, silently complying with her adjustments of his body, eyes half open and unfocused.

But the instant Naruto's footsteps echoed from the kitchen life came into his whole body and his eyes snapped to hers. "Have you done it yet?" His voice was soft, low, entirely for the sake of privacy rather than kindness.

Sakura inhaled and kept her attention on her chakra. "No. You wanted to be there so -"

Naruto raced back into the room and only splashed a little of the water on his hand. If he had noticed Sasuke's concentration on Sakura fade back into catatonia or Sakura clearing her throat he said nothing of it.

She gave Naruto a little grin. He had found a straw from somewhere to stick in the glass so she wouldn't have to take her hands away from Sasuke's healing.

He beamed. "I saw it on a TV show!"

"Do you mind if I join you?"

Sakura looked up at the friendly baritone. Kakashi hovered over her holding a large mug of tea. She was definitely preoccupied if she hadn't even noticed him walking into the teahouse.

She gestured to the bench opposite her. He sat straddling it and leaned back to rest against the wall. She smiled. Kakashi managed to make slouching a successful way of life.

Kakashi nodded to the skewer in her hand. "I didn't know you like sweets."

"Hm, I guess I rarely eat them. Today they just seemed like the right thing." She nibbled on the next flour ball down.

"I see."

"I didn't know you liked tea."

"It's a genteel pleasure."

"No, I mean, I always thought if you were going to drink anything you'd do it in private, not out where anyone might see your face." Sakura grinned at her old sensei, fully intending to watch him carefully.

Somehow with only one eye showing, Kakashi managed to look put-upon. "I didn't know you'd have an ulterior motive for letting me sit here."

Sakura scoffed. "It's not like you didn't have some kind of motive to come over here in the first place!"

"It seemed like it would be rude to sit at another table, like I'm trying to avoid you," Kakashi countered.

"Hmm." Sakura wasn't so sure that was his only alternative. "Anyway, how have you been lately?"

"Oh you know, busy with this and that. Here and there."

Sakura giggled into her tea mug. Same old Kakashi.

"From what I hear, Naruto and Sasuke took it upon themselves to create more work for you."

"You mean the brawl with the ANBU?" Sakura sighed. "That was mostly Sasuke. Naruto jumped in primarily to fight him..." She let her voice trail off. There was no way that Kakashi didn't already have all the details. "Anyway, in a few minutes I go back to the hospital for the first time since they came in. Only two of the ANBU are still there so it should be pretty normal for me."

"Really? You might want to tell your shoulders that, they seem to be carrying the weight of the world on them."

Sakura grunted and tried to keep her reaction minimal as she sat up straight. "I guess I've been tired lately. I might be coming down with something."

"Mh-hm." Kakashi nodded. "That's what Naruto said more than a week ago. And when I got to the hospital a couple days ago (so an ANBU captain could give me an earful about my students), the nurses told me you were out sick. So, I guess you just have the worst luck for catching every bug that comes around."

Sakura paused to stare at Kakashi over the lip of her mug. Then she resumed sipping her tea. Kakashi had a tendency for sarcasm in order to goad someone into speaking.

The obnoxious things was: she wanted to tell him.

She hadn't seen Ino since the woman had waltzed into her apartment several days ago (and really how could she ever tell her?) and Naruto was politely not prying (probably to keep the peace with his temporary roommate) and everyone else was so busy and caught up with their lives they didn't pay close attention to Sakura. Kakashi had named it well, it was a "weight" she carried alone. She was getting sick of the feeling.

But.

But she wanted it that way, didn't she? _You're running away._ Sasuke had said that the last morning they were in his apartment. She hated to think of the possibility.

Sakura put down her mug. "I'm just trying to deal with some stuff." She began.

Kakashi murmured something unintelligible.

Sakura closed her eyes and tapped her forehead with her fingertips. "I was pretty sure you didn't like to get involved in other people's personal lives, sensei."

"Mmh." Kakashi looked at her with the most warmth she had ever seen in his single gray eye. "You haven't called me sensei in a while. I guess listening is the least I can do for my favorite student."

Sakura put her hands in her lap and stared at the remaining dango. _I'm pregnant._ How hard could it be to say that? Two words. Two words that pinned her tongue down. They stopped up her throat. They were like knives in her stomach.

"I... I just..."

Kakashi expelled a soft sigh. "Can I ask one thing?" He continued when Sakura looked up at him. "Please don't lie to me. Please don't waste your time like that."

Sakura nodded and swallowed. She wasn't exactly preparing a lie. But she was preparing an evasion. "I have to do this alone. I've never had to do anything alone." She whispered.

"Hm. Then don't."

Sakura gave a humorless laugh. As if anyone could take on the morning sickness, the cramps and fatigue, let alone take the pills for her and suffer the massive hormonal changes they would bring on.

"Let's go back to when you 'might be coming down with something'." Kakashi pushed away his mug. It was empty. "If one of your friends was ill, had the flu or something, you know perfectly well that you can't be sick for them. But would that stop you from offering comfort?"

"It's not that simple. I **have** to do this, and no one can really help me."

Kakashi grunted. "You remind me of my idiot student, years and years ago. He said a lot of the things you're saying. Stuff he absolutely had to do, and he had to do it alone. I tried to tell him he could get it done with his comrades, but I guess I wasn't convincing. He still left the village for a while."

Sakura played with the last dango skewer. "I thought Naruto was your idiot student."

"No, he's the knucklehead."

"Which one am I?"

"Right now? I'd say you're the one who's in trouble."

A shiver went up her spine. "Trouble?"

"Well, don't you have to be at the hospital soon?"

Sakura started sharply. "Crap! I lost track of time!" She bolted out of her seat.

"Sakura." It was the barest flicker in his eye. Lightning fast, but not invisible to Sakura. He looked down to her belly and then back to her face. "This _stuff_ you're dealing with now, it's not the end of a relationship. It's a fundamental change, isn't it?"

Her skin went clammy and cold. Sakura's mouth fell open as she could barely breathe while she stared at Kakashi. She hadn't even told him...! Maybe Sasuke had? That seemed extremely unlikely.

"Back then when you were kids you wanted to be close to him, to support him. And he wouldn't let you. So maybe this is something you should consider: Is this about making things even between you and Sasuke or are you doing what is best for yourself?"

In a gasp she said, "but then...he...he tried to..."

"I know, I was there." Kakashi sighed. "Whatever you choose to do, you don't have to do it alone. Even Sasuke -"

Sakura shook her head, unsure of what she was disagreeing with. "No, that won't... no..." She snatched her mug and plate from the table and stumbled away. "I have to get to work."

Thoughts cascaded over her as she hurried to the hospital. So many people had guessed at her relationship with Sasuke, but so many people were wildly off the mark when it came to her feelings. Weren't they? They didn't seem to notice her anger, her resentment. Or else they didn't understand the basis of the relationship.

Sakura wanted to laugh. Relationship? Hah. Like hell what they had was a relationship.

This was why she had to be alone, she thought. No one really understood.

 _I love you._

She charged up the hospital stairs to her office and one thought overwhelmed all of the others. She _had_ been running away a lot lately. Getting away from Ino, pushing Tsunade away, keeping Naruto at a distance, avoiding Kakashi.

Giving Sasuke her back.

Sure, she didn't owe them anything. But was it really better this way?

* * *

Since some people love to nitpick I'll point out that Sasuke and Naruto's injuries were about the same level of severe (their fight was a draw), Naruto just heals much faster.

Thanks for reading!


	3. Accord

**This was inspired directly by the super-short** "Exploit" by the general girl, the last in her drabble series, "The Only Exception."

 **Please be advised: This story contains mature and controversial subject matter.**

\- 因縁 -

Sakura watched Sasuke as he walked to his small kitchen table. Four days after Naruto had been given the all-clear, Tsunade had declared Sasuke well enough to finish recuperating in his own home and he had wasted no time moving back in. (All the while irked to lag behind Naruto in healing.)

She had come by today on Tsunade's orders after her rounds at the hospital to see to his healing and make recommendations for ongoing medical attention. Having administered the healing and applied new bandages she excused herself to the kitchen for a drink of water.

His arm was still in a sling, mostly healed, but with new tissues still needing a little protection from sudden or intense use. Only a small bandage remained against his ear, the rest of his face once again flawless.

Although he tried to hide it, he walked with an economy of motion, his internal organs still weak from abuse. It would be several weeks before he could move faster than a shuffle. Sakura set her mouth in a little frown. That was only if she went by the minimal healing regimen. If she pushed herself and him, he could be running by the end of the month.

 _Why do you care?_

"You can go, since you hate being here. I won't die." Sasuke eased himself into a chair.

Sakura expected him to say something like that. "I'll see if I can get another doctor to trade off in the future. I'm sure one of them will understand." She paused to steel herself. "Half the village thinks we're having a lover's quarrel."

The only sign of surprise from Sasuke was his eyes widening by a fraction.

She put down her glass of water, leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. "It turns out when two people disappear at the same time over and over again, tongues wag."

Sasuke actually blinked.

"I guess I can say at least we're lucky enough to have friends who pay attention but are discreet enough not to point out our indiscretions." Sakura fixed her gaze on Sasuke. "You didn't tell Kakashi that I'm pregnant, did you?"

Sasuke made a face and shook his head.

"No, huh. I guess he's just that much of a genius." She let her gaze wander down to the tiles on the floor.

"Tsh." Sasuke responded. Then after a moment, "Naruto probably knows too."

"I'm amazed he kept quiet about it."

"He knows you're unhappy." Sasuke shut his mouth like he was surprised he said anything at all.

Sakura sighed with mild aggravation. "Still, it's probably best to assume a few other people know too. I don't see Naruto keeping this from Hinata, do you?"

Sasuke shook his head.

Silence descended on them again. Sounds from the street below wafted in, a shout of hello from one friend to another, a cart being pulled along, children playing.

"Out there..." Sakura's voice was faint and she let it die out. She tried again, still not certain what she really wanted to say. Something about how she didn't feel comfortable anywhere, how Sasuke had ruined her life but how, really, she had allowed it to happen. "Everywhere I've gone... You can't imagine. People out there want to guess what we're doing, placing bets and just... assuming..." She covered her eyes with one hand. "I can't face anyone." She whispered.

"Hn." She heard Sasuke twist in his seat. "Torture." He murmured.

"Huh?" Sakura looked at him. Sasuke was rubbing his arm through his sling. "Sorry," she muttered. "You're probably still in some pain."

"That's not it." Sasuke stopped speaking like he'd already said too much.

Sakura decided she wanted to know whatever he was hiding. "What's torture, Sasuke? The fact that people are talking about us? Or the fact that you can't get back out there again and beat everyone up?" She was certain he wasn't referring to her misery.

He grunted and for a second she thought he'd shut down. But he looked right back at her with his beautiful, tired eyes and sadness on his pretty face. "Seeing you almost every day. You touch me and I can't touch you. I'm not supposed to want you but-"

Sakura cut him off by whirling around to face the sink. She couldn't bear his tone or the look on his face. She spoke rapidly to drown him out. "Kakashi scolded me like I was the old you."

She imagined him jump a little. She had tossed it out, maybe to test Sasuke, maybe to dig at him. She was irritated and long past tired of having no way to let it out.

"He told me that I wasn't alone; I didn't have to deal with this by myself. He said the same thing to you back then, apparently." She couldn't help the acerbic tone that was creeping into her voice. She wanted to be calm. Cold would be even better, but she could never out-do Sasuke in that department. The ambient anger that had taken up residence in her guts was beginning to churn and convert itself into complete fury.

"I guess he wanted me to make choices based on what I wanted, not on reacting to the past. At least, I think so, it's hard to tell with Kakashi." Her jaw ached as bitterness curled around it.

After a long moment Sasuke spoke. "What **do** you want?"

Well. That was the question. She had been asking herself the same thing since the little strip on the stick turned blue. No, longer even. Maybe since Sasuke first hissed her name, racked with pleasure, and she had found herself thinking he didn't deserve to say it.

Sakura drew in a jagged breath, suddenly, and unexpectedly, close to tears. "I don't want to feel this anymore. This... this..." She pushed herself away from the sink, turning back toward Sasuke, and let her arms hang down, hands in fists. "This absolute fucking **rage**!"

The look on Sasuke's face was a mix. He wasn't expecting that response and his lips turned in the way they did right before he called her annoying. But there was something more, something in his eyes.

It was that same look the last morning she had been here, in his apartment. A snare made of tenderness.

 _I love you._

"Stopping looking at me like that!" Sakura ripped her eyes away, forcing her stare out the door of the kitchen and into the hall toward the front door of Sasuke's apartment. The painting of the Uchiha fan was out of sight but she could imagine right where it hung in the fading light of the afternoon. She was so insignificant here, but there was Sasuke looking at her like...like...

"Just...! Go ahead and tell me I'm annoying, that I'm getting hysterical..." Her voice was growing in volume and rising in pitch. She was turning into everything she hated about herself when she was around Sasuke, helpless and emotional and volatile.

"No." Sasuke was suddenly standing a few feet away. A hand on the back of a chair helped hold him up. "You're finally telling me what's really on your mind."

Her heart was already speeding up and with Sasuke so near it began slamming in her chest, like a bird flying into a window, desperate to get outside. "I don't..." She growled.

"Yes, you know exactly what I mean." Sasuke's voice was intense, driving. "You've been holding all this back, figuring if we just fuck and then don't talk you won't have face it. **Face it**. Face me, Sakura!"

His voice rang in the kitchen and Sakura forced herself to look at him. Her breath shook, her whole body shook. If she said anything now, if she tried to speak, it would only come out as one long scream.

Sasuke's voice grew in intensity, like he was angry, only...he was angry with himself. A line appeared between his brows. "I know I messed up. Not just back then. Not just hurting you over and over again. But bringing you here."

Sasuke shut his mouth so hard his lips turned white for a moment. "I thought it would be okay, that you were okay with it and everything in the past was in the past."

He stopped to swallow and Sakura realized he was shaking. She was sure he was trying to get her to engage, that he would never talk this much otherwise. But she never imagined him saying this, "I never bothered to check. I told myself if we were just being physical there wasn't any point to it. Fuck..."

He looked away and a thought occurred to Sakura, _he's embarrassed_.

"I told you. I meant what I said. I still mean it. I love -"

"Fuck you." She hissed, well and fully goaded. Heat flooded Sakura's cheeks. Tears began to well in her eyes. Of all the fucking crappy timing. She couldn't cry when she was alone, but now...?! "Fuck you, you don't get to love me."

She wanted to howl, to scream at him. She wanted to use her voice like a weapon like a woman in a pulp novel, but her throat was closing as she gulped painfully against the urge to weep.

At least she had the pleasure of seeing that arrogant ass Sasuke Uchiha stiffen.

She wiped at her tears with the heel of one hand. "You were everything a ninja was supposed to be, smart and strong, cool and deadly. The guys wanted to be as good as you but I... I just wanted you to notice me.

"In the end all I got was some weird thank you and cold night on a concrete bench. And you know what the fucked up thing is? I kept right on loving you. For years, Sasuke. _Fucking years._ " Sakura knew her voice was wild, galloping and raw. She could not stop the flow of words and given the look on Sasuke's face she didn't want to. He had never heard this before, never imagined this was in her heart. She took a deep breath and plowed ahead, years of resentment and sorrow bursting out into the open.

"Everything that happened after that, trying to answer for all the things you did, trying to make you sound like the lost little boy I still remembered even when you started killing people, every single nightmare that I saw in the war... none of that compared to when you tried to kill me! **You**. Tried. To Kill. **Me**.

"I showed up at that bridge thinking I'd stop you first but I couldn't do it. I couldn't kill that angry, amazing, beautiful boy I still remembered. But you could kill me without a second thought. You just... I couldn't begin to understand... but... but maybe... that was just another time when..." Sakura's voice fluctuated as sobs tore through her chest. "Maybe... you just didn't have a plan back then. Just like now."

A low keening pushed its way up through her lungs and past her throat. Her heart was tearing itself apart. She couldn't bear it any longer, she couldn't pretend to be stronger than the pain. Sakura sank to her knees, hugging her arms to herself.

She wept loud and hard, knowing she wasn't the sort who was pretty when she cried, knowing that she looked ridiculous on Sasuke's floor, knowing that snot was running from her nose. She didn't care one bit. For once she didn't even care how it made Sasuke feel.

The sounds she made thrummed in her chest and in a strange way brought a small measure of quietude to her raging emotions. She moaned and it eased the pounding in her head. She sobbed and it calmed her stomach.

She bawled on her hands and knees and in the back of her mind she was aware that Sasuke sat on the floor beside her, leaning against the floor cabinet. His legs stretched out straight and he made no other move or sound as she cried. In response Sakura curled up on the floor, tucking her head between her arms.

After a long while the wailing finally eased off, and Sakura could breathe more easily. Occasional jolts shook her chest and her nose ran freely. Beside her she could feel the heat from Sasuke's legs.

Without thinking about it, without analyzing or wondering if it was a stupid thing to do, Sakura rolled onto her side and lay her head on Sasuke's thigh. She was a mess and he would just have to deal with it.

After a long moment Sasuke's free hand landed on her shoulder. Then it traveled to the top of her head and softly stroked her hair.

She coughed. "Naruto's right, you know. You are an asshole." She sniffed. Her nose was thoroughly stuffed.

"I know." He said softly.

She started. "I... Konoha got that formal apology and you took your punishment. But I... I never even got to yell at you. I just..." Sakura closed her eyes and put a hand to her forehead. Her temples were pounding. "What the hell were you thinking?" She hissed.

Sasuke let out a soft sigh. "I probably wasn't."

Sakura gasped as another sob shot through her.

Sasuke twitched. His voice was flat. "It was all...'absolute fucking rage.' And I wasn't mature enough to want anything else."

Sakura pushed herself up and off his lap. She wiped her nose. "You just... you just fucking suck."

Sasuke watched her move and gave a delayed grunt. "Aa. I've never thought of myself as strong or smart or whatever. Only as an Uchiha. An Uchiha that sucks."

At her glance he shrugged. "When I was eight all the Uchiha ninja seemed elite to me, but my brother was like a superhero. I thought I'd never measure up. Hating him was like a way to force myself to be better. There wasn't any other measurement that I cared about. Until I could beat him I just sucked. Even right now, I know I'm not as good as he was."

Sakura sniffed and sat back against the cabinet. The drive to push him away was gone and she listened to him tell her things he'd never spoken of before.

"As long I was with you it was okay. It didn't matter how I compared to anyone." Sasuke swallowed. "When we were together it was just you and me. I had you and it felt like everything was fine, like I didn't need to worry about being an Uchiha or better than Itachi."

Sakura grunted. "Did Itachi even date?"

Sasuke hitched and the corner of his mouth lifted. Then it fell again.

Sakura's hands twitched but she kept them still in her lap. She was no longer in a rage but reaching out to him was still too much.

He adjusted his sling and then looked at Sakura. His face was once again sad and tender, that look that she was so sure would make a fool of her. "You said I don't have a plan right now. That's not exactly right. My plan is your plan. You want to terminate the pregnancy and not see me anymore, so I'll back you up."

It was that look, Sakura thought. It undermined every defense she had against him. She wanted it to be a trick, a deception. She wanted to be able to point to it as misleading and reason enough to continue to distrust him. The problem was, among all of Sasuke's many (many, _many_ ) flaws, dishonesty was not one of them.

 _I've never lied to you._

 _I love you._

Her lungs forced her shoulders back as she drew in a shaky breath and expelled it again. The pounding in her temples was easing. She turned her position to leave some room between the two of them and rested her shoulder against the cabinet door. She pulled out a small bottle from her pocket and set it down between them.

She worked through her thoughts and spoke slowly. "I know you noticed I've been putting off taking them. It's kind of you not to say anything."

Sasuke was still.

"I can't have your kid while I'm so mad at you I can barely stand it. And anyway I can't raise a child on my own. But..." Sakura's voice failed her as fresh tears filled her eyes. She took a long cleansing breath while the tears softly slid down her cheeks.

"But that's just what I see." She whispered. "That's the reality; it's not what I _want_. I'm..." Sakura took a moment to breathe and wipe her eyes. "I want... I wish things were totally different. I mean, where do I even start? I wish you hadn't done what you did, or I wish the world didn't push you into it, or..." She shook her head and scrubbed at her hair, wishing she could untangle her thoughts.

She looked up at Sasuke again and took in his tenderness. "I want...I want to forgive you, more than anything. Because then I could forgive myself for letting you be my greatest weakness."

Sasuke's stillness was broken by the slight bouncing of his Adam's apple. His eyes changed somehow. Sakura couldn't say how exactly but that maybe a just a tiny bit of light shone in them. She realized that as long as she pushed him away he had refused to allow himself even the smallest glimmer of hope.

"I wish, no...I want to love you again." She looked down at her legs folded to one side. She grasped her hands together tightly. She whispered, "I don't know if I can."

They were quiet for a few minutes before Sasuke finally said in a hushed tone, "If you had what you wanted, if you could get that," Sasuke paused, wrapped in an air of nervousness. "If you could feel that way about me, would you keep it?"

Sakura hitched. No words came to her. She studied the face of the man opposite her. Tenderness was clear in his eyes. She let the desire to recoil from it slide off her. His lips were slightly parted as he waited for her to speak. His countenance as a whole showed... Sakura drew in a surprised breath. She realized she was seeing vulnerability laid plain.

It had never occurred to her before. If she had been forced to explain what she wanted from Sasuke more profoundly than for him to notice her, if she could have explained what she had wished for all those years that he was away, beyond her naive understanding of love, she could never have guessed that it was this: She wanted him to let her in.

Her feelings were a potent mix of nervous, powerful, cautious, and cruel. She could finally see the extent of the chaos she had caused inside of him whenever she walked away. And she was neither pleased nor horrified. Maybe it was only fair that he suffered. But it didn't really matter.

She was in.

She felt nerves shake around her insides. She didn't dare speak. But she could still tell Sasuke what he wanted to know. She smiled at him.

Across from her a smile slowly blossomed on Sasuke's face.

Sakura let her gaze slide down to the bottle that sat between them. She could still feel anger toward Sasuke, and if she gave it any attention at all it would catch and blaze once again. (How dare he, how _dare_ he!) But she had to keep her mind focused - she never got the chance to talk with Sasuke like this. It was now or never.

"I thought over the last few months that we were just having fun. I thought I could forget my feelings." Her brow knitted together. "If I remembered back then what you tried to do, I told myself I was extracting the price from you. That's..." She steeled herself. "That's how I could hate you even while you were calling my name."

She stared at her hands. "Seeing the test come up positive..." She shook her head. "You used to be so cold to me when we were kids, or else you insulted me. That's what it felt like. The crowning glory of your cruelty."

"And then..." Sakura gave humorless laugh.

"You came to see me." Sasuke's voice was dry.

"Yeah. And you brushed me off. Cold as ever." Sakura couldn't look him in the face as an unpleasant smile spread over her face. Anger started to rise again but she pushed it away. "I should have figured you wouldn't want to talk to me in front of other people. I had never asked to be first in your mind, I didn't need to be a priority, except for right then. At that moment I really needed you to listen. And you just...couldn't be bothered."

Sasuke remained silent, probably having guessed correctly that an apology wouldn't help.

"The more I thought about what to do, the angrier I got, and the more I resented you. The one thing I was sure about was that I couldn't trust you or myself when I was around you. I couldn't trust any good feeling because **this** is what it got me." Sakura pressed a hand over her belly, a tumult of sorrow and fury coursing through her.

The silence grew and Sakura listened to Sasuke breathing until they were inhaling and exhaling in sync. She closed her eyes.

Finally he spoke. "What about..." Sasuke sounded uncertain, like his words might return to strangle him. "What if you terminated. Could you stay with me? Were you originally planning to do that?"

Sakura hitched and her stomach turned. "No," she said, perhaps to quickly. "No, I was trying to make it stop. I..." She swallowed. "I was going to try to break it off. But... I'm sorry." She finished in a whisper.

"Don't ever apologize to me."

Sakura looked up with a gasp.

Sasuke sat rigid with his free hand in a white knuckled fist. "You don't owe it to me. You..."

"Sasuke," Sakura breathed. "You're not the only one who fucked up." Sakura let a a long moment go by as they both looked at each other and allowed the tension to fall. "I did think about that. I thought I could end it immediately and you wouldn't know. Everything would go on... But I realized that was stupid. Something would eventually come up. I don't know what. I honestly thought you might meet someone you'd like, and not just for sex. But whatever it was, I knew whatever we had would end, and I knew it would hurt."

A painful smile twisted her lips. "I had no idea how much it would hurt."

"I...I don't think I could stand to go to term and then give it away. And even if I could take care of a kid on my own, it...he, or she, would constantly remind me of you... And I'm sure you'd want to see your child."

"It'd be the same if I raised our child." Sasuke seemed calm but there was tension there. "Without you..." He shook his head.

Sakura's stomach squeezed when he said "our." She could barely imagine the future child as hers.

"I kept thinking about you." Sasuke began. He continued when she looked up at him. "Why you wanted to talk to me. How bad I wanted to hold you to say good-bye." He paused, intent gaze fixed on Sakura's face. "I had to face how I really felt about you. It's never crossed my mind to end it all this time, and after that stupid mission I didn't think about how you might feel."

Sakura's stomach twisted up tight and waves of heat and then cold crashed over her. Unlike the times when he said he loved her, this time, right now, she could feel the intensity of his feeling. He was, truly, in love with her. And she could see the turmoil it caused him. Furthermore, he had let out one silly little factoid...

"That stupid mission? The one where Tenten finally accepted Rock Lee's declarations of eternal adoration?" She couldn't hold back a little grin. "Those goofballs inspired you, didn't they?"

Despite himself, Sasuke snickered even as he looked away. "Shut up." The corner of his mouth lifted in a tiny, secret grin.

Sakura laughed lightly. It felt really good.

Sasuke looked back to her, a faint grin still playing on his lips. "I like it when you laugh."

Sakura's good humor faded slightly. But only slightly. "I like that you're talking more to me."

"Hn. You haven't told me I'm talking too much this time."

Sakura grunted. "You _have_ been acting differently. It's startling."

"Hn." Sasuke considered a moment. "I've never gotten a girl pregnant before. Or fallen in love." Sasuke still looked tense. They weren't out of the woods yet. "Do you still resent me?"

Sakura sniffed. "Well... I guess I feel a little better after yelling at you. And whenever I have to jump out of bed to puke I'm thinking some pretty nasty things about you."

Sasuke nodded like that made sense to him.

"You didn't call me annoying even once, even when I called you an asshole." A tiny smile forced its way back onto her face. "That's kind of amazing."

"You always got under my skin. You messed up my thinking and distracted me from my goals. It really pissed me off." Sasuke looked at nothing in the middle distance. After a moment he returned to the present. "And you still mess up my brain and get under my skin. But I finally realized I could love you for it."

His tone was so dry Sakura couldn't help but chuckle. At least with him opening up she could relax a little.

She screwed up her courage and voiced a thought that had begun to press on her. "Sasuke, you haven't come out and said what _you_ want."

Without thinking she lifted a hand toward him. She stopped moving when she realized what she was doing, and it hung in space between them. She began to retract it when Sasuke reached out and took it. He palmed it open and gently pressed over his heart.

Sasuke's voice was barely above a whisper. "I thought it was obvious. I want to love you. You said I don't get to love you, and you might be right. But I want to, I want to deserve to love you."

Right, but what about...

"When I realized you might be throwing up because you were pregnant I forgot you were trying to get away and I was so excited..." Sasuke paused and let their hands drop down between them, though he didn't let go. "I would have a family again."

A cold shock went through Sakura. "I said those things..." she whispered.

He shook his head. "You should have said them a long time ago." Sasuke let go of Sakura. "But it wouldn't have mattered, I wouldn't have really understood. I only knew how to get mad and seek vengeance. But this one time I couldn't just take it out on you for hurting me. So I took it out on those idiots who yelled at me to get out of their way."

Sakura slowly pulled her arms to herself as she listened.

"I started to get it when Tsunade yelled at me and Naruto. When you showed me that bottle...and Naruto yelled at me for making you so sad...I finally understood what I did to you and why you feel the way you do. Sakura, I meant it when I said I'd be there for you no matter what you did. But watching you end it will hurt, I know that." Sasuke shrugged.

Nothing more than other pain he'd faced, thought Sakura. Her grip on her arms tightened as her head tilted forward, unable to stay up as guilt began pressing it down.

Sasuke breathed a soft "Sakura." Fingertips whispered over her hair, smoothing it down. "I don't want to be your greatest weakness. I want to be a source of strength for you."

She took his hand in both of hers, once again on the verge of crying.

He said simply, "I don't want you to be mad at me any more."

"And..." she whispered as a treacherous tear slid down her cheek. "...if I went to term?" It took every ounce of strength to look him in the eye.

Sasuke answered her with a slow smile.

Sakura's smile was wobbly as another tear got away from her. She sniffed and wiped her face. "This isn't... I'm not done being mad at you. I..." Her gaze was drawn to the bottle still on the floor.

"Sakura." She looked up at Sasuke. "Until you forgive me, I won't expect anything from you." A half smile pushed up one side of his face. "I'll just be grateful for whatever you give me."

Sakura nodded. If they just could have reached this point a month ago... She put a hand on the bottle. "If I'm going to do it I can't put it off forever."

" _Are_ you going to do it?"

Sakura stared at Sasuke's collar. "I'm..." She swallowed hard. "The alternative..." She whispered.

He put his hand over hers. He didn't try to pull her hand off the bottle. "I'll back you up. Always."

She hiccuped a little laugh. "That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

She grinned as she looked at him. She kept her eyes trained on his and the growing light there. The only word for it was joy. That's what she could see in his eyes. It was what she had been denying herself for months. Simple, basic, world-shattering joy.

She didn't stop moving until their lips connected, pushing Sasuke's head back. He muttered a laugh against her. She took his head in her hands and took the time to remind him of the shape and texture of her lips. His mouth met hers sweetly, and she smiled and pressed harder against him.

Sasuke reached his good arm around her waist and pressed his face into the crook of her neck. Sakura realized he was shaking like he was laughing. Or...was he crying? She tried to pull back, but he held her tightly.

"Sakura..." he spoke against her skin. His voice shook like she had never ever heard before. "Will you...will you stay with me?"

Goosebumps erupted on her arms. Sakura swallowed as he cried in her arms.

For the first time since he was a child Sasuke might have a family.

Sakura whispered. "Maybe... maybe we can start from right here, in your kitchen. I don't... I'm not sure how to do it right, Sasuke. I can't do it at all if..." She bit her lip. She was seriously contemplating starting a family. It was big and terrifying and wonderful.

Sasuke drew in a shaky breath and pulled back a little, stopping to wipe his face on his sleeve. He took one of her hands in his. "Sakura, you mean more to me than any treasure, more than my eyes. You are my most important person. If you allow me, I will commit my eyes to your well being and if you give me children I will dedicate my life to protecting them. I swear I will, or I am not an Uchiha."

Sakura pressed her lips together as she tried to come up with a decent response. But a giggle got through, and then another until she clapped her free hand over her mouth. "Oh sorry, Sasuke, I don't mean to laugh at you! I just didn't expect such a formal speech!" She calmed down a little. "But I guess you just have to be you, even sitting on the floor."

She looked at their hands clasped together and smiled, finally feeling a little bit of tension leave her neck. She took her biggest gamble yet. "I suppose that's why I love you."

Sasuke and Sakura looked at each other, eyes fresh from crying, and saw each other anew. They would have to be different now. For each other and for the new life headed their way. Sakura finally realized what she ended, in a roundabout and painful way, was simply an unsustainable relationship. They needed a new way to be together, and it started here, holding onto each other on the kitchen floor.

Sakura leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Sasuke's lips. He answered with a soft sigh. _Thank you for loving me._

\- 終 -

* * *

Thank you for reading! I just wanted to write something seriously intense and challenging. Trying to finish this I remembered Voltaire: Poems are never finished, only abandoned. I could have kept editing this chapter forever!

I suppose I should note that politically I am pro-choice. I absolutely adore babies but no one should be forced to go through something that is wrong or unhealthy for them. But I wrote this particular version of events probably because I'm really a softie and a romantic, but in the real world it's really hard choice to make either way. So I wanted to write something that was just as hard.

Thank you for your reviews. They've been really sweet and they keep me going! Gotta give special thanks to **the general girl** being cool when I wrote to her saying I had this in mind. She's a pretty damn good writer - you guys should check her out!


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